Mm mm, not so good

So, I really hope no one else is reading this. I'm really only using it as a way to let go. If you are reading this, and you're not me ... Well then I guess I hope you enjoy. 

On Monday, I went to my family phsysitician because of some overly emotional out bursts I seem to be having once a month. Just the usual, two hour hystical crying fits. My sollution: ask to be put on "the pill", as I have noticed a coronation between these outbursts and the arrival of my lady friend. After minutes upon minutes of inessent questions - do you have a partner? are you sexually active? is this relationship monogomous?- the usual let me in aid your privacy type things. 

Half a hour later , she agrees to do a trail period with a set of pills, but I. Order to choose a brand she insisted on knowing my height and weight. -now I'm not what I would consider a "big" person or "tall" but just an average, moderate build, perhaps fairly big bond.  Well, After gathering the information this nurse needed she decided to inform me that I cam considered to be "obese" according to the results of her math. I don't have much to lose, somewhere between 20-30 pounds before I'm "where they would like you to be" for my hieght and weight. So basically she told me to cut out junk food and stop drinking pop... Sounds easy right? WRONG! 

I'm the kind of person who enjoys food. I could eat at any time of the day and anything that is on my limited prefered foods list. Eating for me can be a social thing, an emotional comfort, or an activity to pass the time. None of which would be a problem if I didn't only eat foods that are incredibly bad for your health. 

All week, this conversation and suggestions have occupied most of my thought. Yet I do nothing to change my behaviour. In fact, I'm eating more junk food and drinking more pop than I normally would on a weekly bassis. 

I'm struggling with eating now. Every time anything goes in my mouth I think of the consequence, but it doesn't stop me. I eat these foods and then sit there and feel cheaply about it. My comfort food, isn't comforting anymore. I'm concerned my eating habits are going to change drastically. I'm afraid if drooping an eating disorder, stemming from not eating anything at all or very little. I live a very busy life at times. Two jobs, 12 hour days at least. All 12 hours working with children in one way or another. 

I'm not really sure what to do yet. And I'm not really sure if this is the point of a blog, but I needed to voice the things I'm afraid to say aloud.